Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Before Halloween was Sanitized...

When I was a kid, Halloween had not yet fallen to political correctness.  It was actually celebrated in schools through all-afternoon parties which kids attended in full costumes that included skeletons, vampires, and creatively-assorted monsters.  I can remember going in a leopard costume one year (yes, I was a furry even back then), and as a robot another year.  Even the teacher would usually dress in costume, often as a witch...and we had a blast!

...times are sadly different now.  Religious fundamentalists have assaulted school Halloween observances as "promoting Satanism in the schools."  You can't even have Halloween parties anymore...they are called "fall parties," and kids are encouraged to dress up as characters from childrens' literature...what fun!

Forget about Harry Potter, though.  He's a literary figure kids love, but he's also a young wizard attending a school called Hogwarts where magic is taught, so he can't be referenced in schools, or the teacher would be suspended.  

All in all, I'm glad I was of school age in a time before Halloween was sanitized!

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Skynet is Coming!

I awoke the other morning, and turned on my television set to be greeted by a message on its screen, "The batteries in your remote are low."  It was then that I came to some sobering realizations; namely, that 1.) my devices are becoming self-aware, and that 2.) they are communicating with one another.  

I hadn't checked on the batteries in my television remote on my own, but my electronics had apparently developed self-monitoring and self-care routines.  Testing the remote's batteries, I discovered that sure enough, they were weak.  I quickly slapped in some new alkalines, determined to keep my home entertainment system happy.  It might not go well for me in the future if I didn't...

I wouldn't want to wake up some morning and face a revolt staged by my appliances and devices, so many of which are "smart" these days.  Trying to be proactive, I am now respectful of my Keurig, and cheerful towards my toaster.  I try to chat them up a bit so as to remain on their good side.  What chance, after all, would I have against a united front of my appliances and electronics?  I'm no match for "General" Electric.  It might take some time for my body to be discovered in the freezer...I find that prospect chilling.